The culture of men (Adapted from today's KC Star Sports Daily; everything out of context and superimposed as caregiver perspectives):

Freedom: Some coaches go way too far. We (men) are not supposed to complain. We're supposed to treat everything that doesn't kill us as something that makes us stronger.

Hope: Treating people with respect goes a really long way. Take pride in being men of character. Grow in the short time that you have. Maybe you haven't responded to life's lessons, the small victories. Learn to deal with a variety of different mechanisms. Act on things that will make life a little bit better.

Love: Tortured souls, trapped between desire, reality, and imagination. When does the mind get off? Where does anguish end and pain begin...and at what cost?

"I just don't feel very hopeful right now."

What can you do when your child is in trouble?

We genuinely want caregivers to know we appreciate what you are doing, we weep for you, and we will help in any way that we can.

I think I can speak for all of us when I say "hang in there, it'll get better."

What is your take on zombies? Fairly ambivalent, especially since they only exist on an imaginary plane.

But how about loved ones or persons you despise? It is safe to say "I have strong feelings" regarding people who make a difference and have an influence (positive or negative) on the way I experience life.

I've never met a zombie I did or did not like. I have known individuals and groups that create in me a zest for living.

If you can, get out of your zombie rolls, put on some zest, forget about diseases for a while and have some fun. Your care receiver may appreciate the improvement.

The hardest part of life is knowing (thinking) one reality and finding another in its place. Some people are very stoic and resolute when it comes to dealing with loss. "It has happened before and it will happen again. It happened to me. Suck it up. Get over it. I did." There are those who appear supportive and encouraging. "Hang in there. I feel your pain." Others just escape without making input. The truth is nobody cares like you do.

Why is this? The "How did this happen to me?" awareness sparks the realization that we are all in this together.

Your caregiving role probably does not include caring for strangers unless you are a healthcare professional or some other dedicated resource. What would it take to release your inhibitions about caring more and finding ways for you to give care?

Let us know what you are doing to improve caregiving for everyone.

I am growing despondent. The overwhelming nature of the adversity in our case makes me sick.

It is an uphill battle, that's for sure.

Caregiving is rewarding. Can't it also be fun? Fun and rewarding.

Fun is the energy you put into caregiving; rewarding is the feeling you take away.

It's like this: "If you have to (be here) anyway (and you do), you might as well have fun while (you're) doing it."

What a perspective. You are back in control if you can "Be Happy No Matter What." Like "It's All Good" and "Not Bad, Just Different," the attitude we put on makes all the difference.

Nothing lasts forever. Someday it will all change. Where are you then? What will you be left with? Make the most of the present situation. Those Latin folks really knew what they were doing when they said "Carpe Diem."

If giving love to a stranger was the closest you could ever come to reuniting with a loved one, would you do it?

Alone. Impoverished. Clueless.

Depressed and in a state of denial.

Without much emotional connection.

I wanted someone to call me out.

Sick. Absent. Vacant.

Nobody chooses to be ill.

Gloom and doom
Precede despair
The danger lies
When unaware

It happened to me
It could happen to you
Thus, plead our case
"What should we do?"

We've had some time
Since first denial
There was no crime
Yet norm is trial

It's happened before
It'll happen again
The woeful score
Breaks down strong men

The charge conceived
Lacked all compassion
No expert sees
The act as fashioned

It happened alone
In a world that we share
To atone...it won't happen
"Forgive" is to care

The Big Wait.

The "We don't want it, I can't fix it" dilemma.

What's it going to take?

How much should we endure?

Hang in there, as if there were more viable options.

The worst is over, the best--yet to come.

How long? Why? When will we change?

Cut to the chase.

What is the purpose of misrepresentation?

Who profits from moral bankruptcy?

No recourse? Retribution? Immeasurable impact damages lives.

Bled out like a hemorrhaged beast.

To build or destroy a just society.

-- The Shack by Wm. Paul Young (p. 188)

Hold up is held up

Hurt hurts to describe

Admission of pain is painful

I tell you now:

The walls of innocence

crumble like sand

in the face of loss

How much time does a person have?

How much life does each person live?

How much care should any person give?

I remember our first trip to the Oncology Center to receive a chemotherapy treatment. I was terrified--but Linda was the patient. When everything was attached and in place I took a moment to size the place up. Multiple patients received cocktails by IV drip. Without staring I exchanged glances with people in the room.

Some were doctors, nurses and staff. Others were patients. By and large most were women. And they were alone. One particular lady looked at me and I gleaned full insight by reading her eyes.

"Where are the males?"

"Not here."

I decided then and there to do everything within my power that would add men back into the equation, helping improve the delivery of care.

I don't know anything else about her. The difference she made to me was I began thinking differently. I changed. I quit feeling sorry for myself. This was an impetus for me to give positive reinforcement and join the team influencing Linda's recovery.

As Linda would say, "Suck it up, boy."

I got on with being a good person. You can too.

You've gotta' be there to know how it feels.